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'A victim no more'

Clearing the air: Actress and author Bonnie Henna shares her life experiences at the launch of 'Eyebags and Dimples'. Henna lives in Cape Town and is forthright about her battle with depression PHOTO: BONGANI MNGUNI
Clearing the air: Actress and author Bonnie Henna shares her life experiences at the launch of 'Eyebags and Dimples'. Henna lives in Cape Town and is forthright about her battle with depression PHOTO: BONGANI MNGUNI

"I'M ABOUT to tell you some hectic stuff that might change your view of me forever."

These were the words of actress and author Bonnie Henna during a phone interview with Sowetan about her battle with depression.

Henna was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2008. She says her mother and grandmother suffered from the same "darkness" and it does not help that she comes from a society that does not take the condition seriously.

"The reality is that we still live in a society of people with post- traumatic depression from apartheid ... and with black people there is never room for emotional issues. (Hence) all the mental illness coming out of that generation.

"My grandmother's depression was caused by apartheid. My mother and grandmother did not get along, so my mother treated me the same way she was treated."

Henna said her mother beat her up and was physically abused by her.

Henna decided to break the vicious cycle when she realised, "there was something strange with my upbringing".

Henna, a 33-year-old mother of two, admitted that parenting was "not easy".

"I am applying a different process and I have to try not to make the same mistakes (as her mother) on a daily basis."

She mentioned that writing was not only a refuge, but also part of the healing process. Henna's book, Eyebags and Dimples, was published in September last year.

"In writing the book I was saying 'I'm tired of being a victim'. My desire to be successful came from trying to hide the bad stuff. Now that I have accepted I'm broken I can pursue my purpose comfortably," Henna said.

Trying to maintain a clean reputation she shied away from the spotlight as much as she could.

"I have always been a reluctant celebrity and came across as cold. The book comes from a place where I don't believe it's normal for people to go out in public, be worshipped (by fans), then go home and smile about it," she said.

Comparing her acting to her writing Henna said: "Acting is my first love and writing is a necessity. With freedom I write but I miss acting so bad I even pray about it."

The Soweto-born star now lives in Cape Town - a place that has given her more freedom.

"I love Cape Town. I have so much peace here. I love living by the sea and the mountains.

"In Joburg, I grew tired of living on other people's terms. I can't stand its traffic and the fact that it's driven by pop culture. This industry is also exhausting, but I often travel to Joburg for work," she said.

Though she was not willing to discuss any rumours, Henna said her marriage was one of the things that had been greatly affected by her condition.

"We married in our 20s and were still finding ourselves," she explained. "When you go into a marriage that young, you start playing roles and a couple of years later you realise you are not that kind of woman.

"Marriage needs to make room for that change and it's a very painful process."

Henna confessed she thought marriage was the answer to her emotional grief.

"The other thing was becoming a mom and, thirdly, getting married - it's something I wanted for so long and I'm still grateful for what has come out of it."

- monnakgotlam@sowetan.co.za

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