I'm caught in a boring and loveless marriage
I am a 48-year-old woman and I am miserable because I am caught in a loveless marriage.
I still work because I choose to. My husband is retired and my children, who are all very good to us, are all married and living in their own homes.
We have five lovely little grandchildren whom I love dearly and who we see quite often.
My husband is a good person in the sense that he never expects me to do anything for him. We share our expenses, though I always end up having to pay for what he calls "luxuries".
He has always been a little tight-fisted - he calls it thrifty and I call it stingy.
I love dressing up and socialising, but he only comes along because I insist. Before we leave the house, he will have something to eat because he does not want to spend money on eating out.
We never had much in common, but this never bothered me much because I was so busy bringing up the children, going to work and working more when I got home after work in the evenings
Now that the children have left home and there are only the two of us, everything about my husband irritates me.
I dream of meeting a man who is fun-loving and with whom I could share my interests and who will bring happiness and joy in my life.
I feel that I am wasting my life living with a man who is boring, does not appreciate me and who deserves someone like himself.
We have never spoken about our feelings, but I am sure that he also feels that I am not the perfect wife either.
We quarrel about little things all the time and then days go by without our saying a word to each other.
I have a few good friends and we spend a lot of time together going to the movies or eating out.
My husband does not have any friends and never had.
I would never dream of having an affair, but I just want my husband to show a bit of interest in me and for us to do fun things together. - Desperate wife, Hyde Park
ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU
I am really sorry that you are so unhappy, but I believe your problem can easily be sorted out if you and your husband just sat down and talked about them.
You say your husband is a good person.
You do not mention any form of abuse or control by your husband.
You say you have loving children and grandchildren and good friends too. You should be grateful for them and I am sure you know that they are blessings in your life.
You could be going through the menopause and perhaps you should start by visiting your doctor.
Be honest with your doctor and tell her or him exactly what you said in this letter.
I really think that daydreaming about a man who will bring you happiness is just a waste of time.
No one but you can make yourself happy.
There is joy in reading, gardening, joining a club and doing voluntary work, but only you will know what makes you truly happy.
Perhaps you are feeling a little lonely now that the children have left home and you and your husband are on your own.
Why don't you bring your grandchildren home sometimes. I am sure your children will appreciate your taking the little ones off their hands once in a while
Try to remember what it was that first attracted you to your husband.
Tell him that it bothers you when he eats at home because you enjoy eating out.
Compromise and eat at home with him sometimes before you go out. He will appreciate this and will not mind eating out with you sometimes.
You are probably fighting over little things because you still agree about the more important things in your life.
Don't throw away what you have.