6 sure ways to turn a woman off
WOMEN generally have lower sex drives than men. It is common knowledge that women place more value on emotional connection to spark sexual desire. That is why they can be turned off so easily.
Asiphe Ndlela, a psychologist in Illovo, attributes this to the elusiveness of women's sex drive.
"Women have elusive and fleeting sex drives. Simple things can turn a woman off sex," she says.
"Men are blessed with much more testosterone, which is crucial to the sex drive. That is why it is easy for them to get it up in a blink of an eye. For women getting turned on is a mission that not only requires physical but also emotional stimulation."
Sowetan has put together a list of turn-offs in bed:
- Dozing off or facing the other way after sex
Women hate men who leave immediately after orgasm. Ndlela says even if a woman knows you are going to your wife or girlfriend after sex, she needs reassurance.
"She needs to hear that a man enjoyed having sex with her. She needs the man to tell her how sexy she is and how great she is in bed. Women love to talk and caress after the session as the orgasm drive of women reduces slowly compared with men. Women like to make eye contact and stay close after the deed is done, while men want space."
- Farting in bed
Most women Sowetan spoke to said men farting in bed featured among the top five things they hate most.
Zintle Mbuqe, a general practitioner in East London, says though women are turned off by men who fart, they surprisingly on average fart 30% more than men because they tend to get more fibre in their diets than men, which is the main determinant of gas frequency and volume.
But Mbuqe says their farts are less aromatic because they tend to not eat as many spices or high-sulphur foods like red meats.
Ndlela says it is seen as unladylike to fart, so women hold their farts for the loo while men are less inhibited about letting go.
"Actually, for most of them it is a fulfilling exercise. It is a habit they grew up with. As boys they farted on each others' heads. They farted by themselves, they had farting competitions and they farted in groups.
"Also, the media and movies tend to allow only men to fart."
- Gadgets in bed
The advent of social networks has caused strain in most relationships, says Leoni van der Merwe, a marriage counsellor. She says many men are trading cuddling up for chatting on social networks, which most women hate with a passion.
"This phenomenon is so bad that some people go into withdrawal if they have to make do without their phones or computers for some time. They become moody and unromantic."
She adds that technology and its distractions also causes insomnia and puts a damper on your sex life.
"I'm not a sex expert but it needs no sex guru to know that it's harder to initiate sex if your spouse is busy chatting on Twitter, BBM or Facebook rather than whispering sweet nothings to you."
The bed should be used for sex and sleep only, not for gadgets, says Van der Merwe.
- Moaning and talking during sex
"As someone who shares a flat with a colleague, silence is an option. A man who groans is a big turn-off. I just switch off immediately," says Tebogo Ramabudu, a public relations assistant.
- Attempting anal sex and pretending it was an accident
A lot of women hate anal sex. Ramabudu says it is not only painful but is also associated with gay sex.
"I get suspicious of a man who does this. It is dirty and a real turn-off."
- Wearing socks in bed
"Most ladies will agree that socks look a bit silly compared with the rest of the naked body. It is a visual turn-off," Ramabudu says.
Ndlela says most women despise a man wearing socks in bed because it reminds them of one-night stands where sex was rushed: "Though one-night stands are ego-boosting for some men, for most women they are an embarrassment. A half-dressed man triggers disturbing memories".