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PAIN IN HER EYES: Expert says most parents ignore the warning signs of stress disorder and blame a child's deviant behaviour on naughtiness.

 "I never knew fighting in front of my son was wrong" 

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"Our parents fight a lot and we fear they might split up," the girls says. "They fight when we're in the house. They think we don't know what's going on, but we do."

Many children are exposed to violence at home and this has a profound impact on their lives. Mbali and Khosi are not alone.

A Michigan University study of low-income pre-schoolers finds that children who have been exposed to family violence suffer symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, such as bed-wetting or nightmares, and are at greater risk than their peers of having allergies, asthma, gastrointestinal problems, headaches and flu.

A Rivonia-based child psychologist, Dr Cristine Scolari, says: "Children need to be assisted in various ways. First, it is important that the relevant authorities are notified.

"Get assistance from a professional organisation that deals with domestic violence and abuse as soon as possible," she says.

"On a practical level a child who has witnessed abuse or has been abused heals better when they have a trusted adult who listens to them and helps them as opposed to a child who has no 'safe' person to talk to."

Scolari says most parents tend to ignore signs and blame it on the child being naughty.

Tumelo Tau, father of a 10-year-old, says: "I never knew fighting in front of my son was wrong. I thought he was just being stubborn because when I tell him not to hit other kids in school, he does it anyway."

- Not their real names

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Mon May 20 15:38:24 SAST 2013 ::

Mar 26, 2012

Hootz

Tumelo Tau, father of a 10-year-old, says: "I never knew fighting in front of my son was wrong. I thought he was just being stubborn because when I tell him not to hit other kids in school, he does it anyway."

dumbest thing i have ever had, never knew fighting infron of kids was wrong, i wonder how old is he?? is he 10? hahaha
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Mar 26, 2012

Mosquer

That's why banna ba ba ntši ba sa direge so, because they have been damaged up stairs
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Mar 26, 2012

Vhamsanda

With today's couples at each other's throats over material stuff, it is not surprising that children live in fear of having their parents separating.
Let's stop this madness in we are to have stable communities.
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Mar 26, 2012

RobinH

Lerato: A heartrending story and all, but hardly news. Of course a bad home environment is bad for kids. Is this even open to question? So thanks for a lot of space devoted to the obvious, Sowetan.
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Mar 26, 2012

TKay

It is very wrong for parents to fight in front of their kids, even divorce affects kids more than parents
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Mar 26, 2012

BaleliM

parents need to realise that when they are happy, then their kids will be happy. Unfortunately, a lot choose to stay in abusive and unhappy marriage or relationship for the sake of the kids. what rubbish is that?
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Mar 26, 2012

Bingo-Ingo

We Whiteys don't fight and shout in front of our kids. That is how we were brought up and I don't know about the others.

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Mar 26, 2012

Pabi

every child doesn't need stressed parents or abusive parents for that matter, so how can Tumelo not knowing that fighting in front of kids is a trauma to them? even the unborn child is affected by stressed mom some how it affects the baby.
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Mar 26, 2012

RobinH

Bingo-Ingo: WHat utter racist rubbish. Having grown up in a "white" household and spent my entire school-life in so-called white schools, I saw an incredible amount of violence toward wiv es and chil dren. I had friends coming to school bruised from head to toe. I saw mothers beaten to a pulp. not just in front of "the family" but even in front of visitors. So speak for yourself, by all means, but don't claim that white people (of whom I am one, though obviuously rather different from you) are above such behaviour. I could take you on a walk through the hospital I work in right now and show you at least 20 cases of spousal abuse perpetrated by white men. Your racist statement does no-one any favours.
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Mar 26, 2012

MommaC

Parents must realise that their children look up to them as gods. When you fight they see it as THEIR fault.

Every time you dis your spouse, you are insulting half of your child's DNA. In other words, you are insulting you children and making them feel like cr@p. Don't do it.



Bingo-Ingo
As they say in the classics - TWAAAAAK.
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