YOU are a prayer warrior, a cell leader and you hold a high position in the church.

Everyone knows you as "that Bible-bashing woman who never misses a church service", but your husband hates going to church. He would rather spend his Sundays in a bar or read his newspaper than sit in a church pew for hours.

Take heart, you are not alone. According to Pastor Vusi Dube of the Ethekwini Community Church in Durban hundreds of South African churches are struggling to attract men.

Dube attributes this phenomenal to upbringing.

"Most parents allowed their boys to go and play soccer, while the girls went to church with their mothers. This became a culture in many communities."

He also attributes the lack of interest in church to inflated male egos.

"Charismatic churches are more inclusive and everybody is important. That is why culturally inclined churches that are putting men in the forefront still attract men in droves."

He says men hate to listen to and to be told what to do by another man. It is also difficult for some men to connect with other men in a church setting.

Asiphe Ndlela, a psychologist in Illovo, says the reason why the church attracts more women than men is that it creates a safe, predictable environment.

"Men, by nature, are risk takers and any predictable place becomes boring to them. Charismatic churches offers little to stir the masculine heart, so men find it dull and irrelevant. The more masculine the man, the more likely he is to dislike church."

She says another problem is that the church is too feminised.

"Some guys are intimidated by little things like soft decor, women standing in the pulpit, leading worship and ushering, telling men where to sit."

Thamsanqa Bhulu, a business executive and the son of a retired priest, says the last time he went to church was when he got married four years ago.

He says churches have become too intimidating for men.

"I grew up in a traditional church where my masculinity was not threatened," Bhulu says. "I find issues like holding hands in a circle, seeing another man crying in public and singing feminine songs like Ndiyakuthanda Yesu wam (I love you Jesus), (Jesus) who happens to be a man, not masculine.

"I was turned off by praise and worship and the guys who lead it. Some of them sang like women."

He says another thing that is driving a lot of men from church are tithes and offerings.

"Times are hard. People are drowning in debt.

"The last thing you want to do is part ways with your hard-earned money. These days, pastors drive big cars and live in fancy houses, while their congregants are wallowing in poverty. How can this motivate me to go to church or give for that matter?"

Pastor Dube agrees that the church is partly to blame for the dwindling number of men. Churches are not as philanthropic as they used to be.

"Charismatic churches seem not to care the way traditional churches do. They have become greedy and self-centred. Churches don't visit the sick. They avoid the sick like the plague."

He cites embezzlement by pastors and church leaders as one of the reasons why men are not interested in church.

Bhulu says what most men in his circle complain about in charismatic churches is a growing number of women who are on the forefront, with some preaching and holding positions of power, something that is new to them.

Prophetess Nomvume Maphanga, an ordained pastor, defends the notion of women taking leadership positions in churches. She says women also have a fivefold calling and spiritual gifts. She also credits liberalism for restoring women's dignity in churches.

"Women in traditional churches were relegated to service positions like making coffee, sweeping floors, arranging flowers and manning Sunday school and the church was male-dominated and patriarchal.

"Women were even told to keep quiet in church and if they had questions they ask their husbands at home."

She says the new status quo is a cultural shock making many men uncomfortable.