Hopping into the sack won't win him over
HAVE you just met a new lover and you are itching to have sex with to keep him? Hold the bus, lady, this might work against you.
NOT SO FAST: Early sex can be detrimental to relationshipsDon't rush into sex, ladies
Studies show that almost 40 percent of couples are essentially sexual the first or second time they go out and more than half of them end up with a broken heart.
Studies further show that couples who delay sex until their wedding night have more stable and happier marriages than couples who have pre-marital sex.
According to Asiphe Ndlela, a psychologist based in Illovo, hopping into the sack will not bring you closer to that man or seal the deal on a relationship.
She says most women sell themselves short by using sex as a way to lure and catch a guy. She says this is an old-fashion trick. She says because of things like HIV and Aids men love women who love themselves.
"A delay or abstinence from sexual intimacy during the early part of the relationships can allow communication and other social processes to become the foundation of the attraction to each other.
"Early sex could essentially be detrimental to a relationship, skewing it away from communication, commitment and the ability to handle adversity," Ndlela says.
Ndlela says the biggest mistake many women make is to equate sex with a relationship.
"This is painful but true. Just because a man has sex with a woman doesn't mean he has even spent a second thinking about whether or not he wants to be with her or have a relationship in the future.
"Jumping into bed with Mr Wrong is not only damaging to your self-esteem, it even puts your health in danger and there is no sensible reason why you should do it. Women can feel really bad about themselves and feel as if they made a mistake if they don't get a second date or phone call after they refrained from having sex."
She says waiting to have sex has more benefits from a personal and relationship perspective and allows you to enjoy real courtship.
"The romance is usually filled with excitement. Holding of hands and glancing at each other is potentially filled with passion and more. By slowing things down, two people can really get to know each other and explore whether or not they are a great fit. Ultimately, the relationship gets to be built on this bedrock of trust and support."
Ndlela says couples who have sex too early, such as after the first date or within the first month of dating, have the worst relationship outcomes.
She says couples who reported waiting for sex until after marriage also reported greater happiness, stability and sexual satisfaction than those couples who had sex early on in a relationship.
Tips on how to delay sex:
- Don't do sleepovers. If you don't want to have sex, you shouldn't put yourself and your partner in situations where sex will be an option. Stay away from your partner's place when you are finished with your date and just go home.
- Don't get drunk. Drinking while trying your hardest to keep sex from happening with the person you care about and find attractive is not a smart idea. Alcohol could get the better of you both by clouding your judgment, and once you've crossed that line there is no turning back.
- Make an excuse your partner is likely to believe. If you do end up sharing a bed and your partner makes it clear he wants to have sex, you should have an excuse at hand. But lying is not a good way to start a relationship, so consider if it's worth it.
- Be honest with your partner. Explain to your partner that while you care for him, you are just not ready for sex and would like to wait until you are. If your partner really likes you, he will have no problem respecting your wishes. - www.how.com
SebolaNtimetseAdikateMoketla
I agree.But this is a difficult topic!
But I agree.
Report Abuse
S.Player
Morning bloggers!!!2 Asiphe Ndlela psychologist,please don't come with your foot foot nonsense.u expect us 2 starve ourselves,just imagine i wait untill my wedding night 2 have sex damn...when will tht b.6years without sex tht's when abnormality starts ''groff salt''.....
Report Abuse
masepa
It is a general statement and biased. If you want to deal with HIV/AIDS, deal with it and offer advises and not old fashion lies about sex before marriage. There are couples who divorced because they did not know each other in bed and thats their reasons if asked why they separated. How will she know if I am a minute man, kwae e nyane and she wants the big one, I want it everywhere and she/he likes bed only. No, please revisit your research and if you want to be religious, be religious and don't mislead us.Report Abuse
masepa
This is a religious reseraches which is not open and truely dealing with issues affecting young people, a disparate attempt to impose religious practices instead of dealing with issues head on. What about those ladies who lost their partners because they don't want sex before marriage while their partners want it for obvious reasons. Love alone is not enoughReport Abuse
speedstere
If you love someone it doesn't matter whethere you wait long for the trophy or not.But if you just want her in bed and move on you can still wait until she feels comfortable to give away the trophy,waiting wont gurantee her the ring on the finger.So laidies out there sex is greate please dont deny us amagents.Report Abuse
S.Player
@Masepa u right boss we know what we put ourselves in2,when we go in2 a relationship.this is 1 topic tht i think th psych got it wrong......seeeeeeeeeeex.Report Abuse
khanza
@speedstereu r right my brother, waiting does not mean you will last. If you love someone, you will still love him or her even if you slept together after your 1st date. It all depends on love. you can wait but at the end you find that you do not love the person and leave him or her, then what?
Report Abuse
Pabi
Asiphe thanx for the advice but one thing that won't change is, we as women can give our men before marriage or after marriage if they want to dump they will so sex before marriage doesn't guarnatee that u will keep your man. if you say safe sex before marriage i will agree with you 100%.imagine getting married to someone who doesn't know even a foreplay realising after u said i do in front of people.
Report Abuse
CheeseBoy
How long is a piece of string ?I guess the answer to that question applies to sex for the first time. honestly I did with my woman within the first week and we still kicking it strong..
@Pabi
fore play and so forth are the sort of things couples should take the time to teach each other during the honey moon phase don't you think??
It doesn't matter how great a person thinks they are at sex, its all in the mind and if the 2 of you cannot develop that chemistry, you are both doomed.
Report Abuse
Princess2Adora
GoodMorning BloggersDis woman has SALT written all ova her...............................There is no such a thing if a man was there jst 4 sex den dats it bt hey sex its a 2 way street its either u in or out!!!!!!!!!!!
How many ppl do u knw dat had sex after marriage nd dey r stil 2geda......................Dats da ada reason most married men CHEAT cus da woman is inexperienced wit anything nd let alone willing 2 xplore further!!!!!!!!!!
Mrng S.P!!!!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Report Abuse