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Sure signs she's cheating on you

By Zenoyise Madikwa | 2011-04-04 07:25:12.0

MARRIAGES often break down on account of husbands not being loyal to their wives.

These days, though women don't beat men on the cheating scale, more women than ever before are cheating according to Asiphe Ndlela, a Johannesburg psychologist.

Ndlela attributes this to lax adultery laws and the topic of adultery being more openly discussed.

She says the playing field has in recent years been levelled considerably and women are allowed to be bad girls without constant scorn.

Women do not stay at home and take care of the kids and the household anymore and Ndlela attributes much of the cheating to women's economic power.

"These days working women have the chance to mix and mingle with would-be lovers, both in the office and on business trips.

"Women spend more time at work with their male colleagues than at home with their husbands. This makes the workplace a fertile ground for cheating.

"At home people are stressed out over bills, taking care of the kids, and problems with their spouse; when they go to work, they can leave all that behind."

She says cheating is easier than before since it is easy for women who cheat to find partners in crime.

"They can pick up new lovers on dating sites and at parties, bars and the grocery store or gym. The opportunities are endless for women who want to have a fling on the side.

Why do women cheat?

Ndlela says men are ruled by their sex drives and cheat mostly for sexual gratification, while women cheat when they feel emotionally neglected.

She says this neglect can come in many forms, including in the bedroom, or simply not taking an active interest in a partner's feelings and being emotionally supportive when they have troubles.

She says loneliness, revenge, boredom and self-esteem are among of the reasons women cheat.

"Most women feel taken for granted. This makes them look outside the relationship and the attention they receive from someone else becomes extremely seductive."

In some cases cheating is caused by false illusions of the relationship.

"Some women never really knew the guy to begin with or hoped he would change.

"When Prince Charming turns out to be a frog, women often cheat in hopes of finding a new prince."

Ndlela says most women she has dealt with say they cheat because their relationship lacks romance.

"A lot of men become too focused on sex. They forget talking, cuddling, and just being together time.

"Often when the couple is going through a tough time the relationship gets boring. Instead of pulling together to solve the problem, the couple might pull away from each other. In comes the new partner she confides in and the affair happens."

Some women wait longer to have children, so there's no feeling of cheating on the kids.

Ndlela also blames TV and movies for "making women feel freer to pursue their sexual urges".

Zuko Mathyila, a male activist in Cape Town, blames women empowerment and feminism. He says that many women are told they are equal to men.

"This is perhaps the biggest lie being fed to women and one that is, in my opinion, responsible for the rise in adultery among women.

"Women's liberation and its message is that men and women are actually alike. Generations of women have been told that they can do anything a man can do and that they are no different from men.

"So why wouldn't women begin to act more like men, which then manifests itself in destructive ways such as adultery?"


  • She detaches herself from your family

Not wanting to attend your family functions is one sign she's cheating. This could be cheater's remorse on her part, which means she feels guilty. The less she immerses herself in your circles the less mental anguish she'll have to endure.

  • She nags you incessantly

Gone are the days of harmonious communication. Now every sentiment you express sets her off and she finds any excuse to lash out at you.

If such an about-face sounds familiar, she might be subconsciously trying to justify her tryst. Nagging you helps ease her bothersome guilt.

  • She has a mysterious friend

A telltale sign is when a mysterious friend inches his way into the picture.

Whether it's someone she claims is a co-worker or an old friend, she keeps this friendship under wraps and is hesitant to share any details about him, much less introduce you.

  • She deflects simple questions

You should be suspicious when she refuses to answer the fairest of questions. If she gets defensive about disclosing information she used to volunteer, she might be hiding something or someone and it's one of the surest signs she's cheating.

  • She shifts priorities

If she is involved in a hot and heavy romance, you'll definitely feel a shift in her priorities. Most philanderers tend to schedule meetings with their new flame as often as they can, with a complete disregard for previous engagements.

  • She puts more effort into looking sexy

You may like her just the way she is, but that won't stop her trying to dazzle her new fling. She'll improve her style, change her make-up and alter her physical appearance for the new man in her life.

  • She has no interest in sex

When your relationship was new, the two of you were full of passion and open to spontaneous lovemaking. Now you're rarely hitting the sheets and only doing so if and when she feels like it.

On a slightly more ego-bashing note, she may become bored by your performance and appear to be thinking about someone else when you make love. - additionalinfo www.askmen.com