ATTENTION wives! Be warned, hubby stealing is on the rise. According Asiphe Ndlela, a psychologist in Illovo, northern Joburg, hubby snatching is prevalent across colour and culture lines - but it is especially on the rise in the black community.

Ndlela says an increasing number of women who are seeking counseling because their husbands have been poached by other women.

"There are simply too many single women who are willing to loot other women's marriages." Ndlela says.

"The rise in husband poaching can be attributed to many factors, but perhaps the overriding reason women are poaching at an alarming rate is that women want men whom other women see."

She adds that another important factor is that poaching enables mistresses to live the feminist dream of having a man taking care of them. Single women find attached men with high status, resources and a wife more attractive than single men."

Research on animal mating has shown that female animals are more likely to choose a male that has already been chosen by other female.

Ndlela says the reasoning is that an attached man has demonstrated his ability to commit and in some ways his qualities have already been "pre-screened" by another woman.

"Research on human preferences shows that women rate men as more desirable when they are surrounded by other women, compared with being alone or surrounded by other men."

She says another reason is that committed men are getting more and more attractive.

"Black men are becoming richer. Money makes them more attractive - turning them into a target for women," She explains. "Nowadays it is common to find a mediocre but rich guy in the arms of a beautiful model.

'Most women find money attractive - not literally but in terms of the attractive lifestyle it can provide. Having money also allows men to enhance their physical appearance."

She points out that this effect is not limited to tremendously rich or powerful men.

"We see it happening to middle-class men who are often taken advantage of by poor or uneducated women looking for a steady gravy train to support a single-mother lifestyle."

Ndlela says that in some cases women just want sex. Others want commitment. And some pretend they just came into a relationship to offer free sex - and then become emotionally enmeshed until the man wakes up one day and realises that he can't live without her. Some women feel that an attached guy is a time-tested commodity.

She says the shortage of eligible men is another reason for poaching.

Zimasa Galada of Masibambane Family Group, a family support group in Cape Town, says it is unfair to put the blame solely on women.

"While some affairs might start because a cheating husband is out looking for a mistress, others start because a woman is knowingly on the lookout for a married man."

Check out these relationship tips to learn how to keep your man from cheating.

• Put yourself in his shoes for a moment and imagine what it's like to live his life. Do you know the stress he's under at work? Imagine what it's like to get up every day and do the same thing over and over. What does he worry about - work-wise, financially, health-wise?
   
• Then think about the conversations you two have. Imagine what it might sound like from his side. Is it detail heavy? By that I mean, are your conversations more about stuff that needs to be done, places you guys have to go, money, tasks an so on? Then imagine what's the first thing is you guys talk about when he gets home and the last thing before you go to bed? Is any of it romantic? Or sexy? Or flirtatious?
   
• lIf you think that you spend too much time on the task conversation don't you think you both miss that thrill of when you first started to date? And how do you think that is nurturing your relationship?
   
• Take an honest look at your sex life. This might seem superficial, but your sexual communication often is often a gauge for the rest of the relationship. It's like taking your temperature.
   
• lSo ask yourself how your sex life is going? Do you feel as if you guys are in a rut? Do you still have regular foreplay? Is it fun or, oh I hate to say it, just a bit boring?
   
• Again, these might be precursors to getting your man stollen. But don't panic. Y can easily start making subtle changes to bring back the passion... and keep it in your home.

Next thing you need to do is ask yourself the following question...

• How would you want to be treated? Remember what the first date was like? The flirting, the kissing, the doing nice things for each other? Don't you miss it? Then start to bring it back.
   
• And keep in mind that part of the affection is in your words. Find ways of letting him know you still find him attractive. That means calling him at work, not to remind that he needs to come home early but to tell him you're thinking about riding him bareback like a wild stallion when he gets home.
   
• Find small ways to connect with him. Goodbye kisses, or even goodbye teases in the morning will have him excited to come home.

Now you know how to keep your man from cheating. Many successful couples make a weekly date with each other, leaving the kids with grandma. Other couples swear by experimenting in the sack, trying a new sex position each week, or a game, like playing naked twister. Additional info www.howtodothings.com