Looking good can be curse for sisters whose beauty is a threat to others

SHE is attractive, has a beautiful body and a pretty face to match. She wears make-up, has a beautiful weave, dresses stylishly and has an equally dazzling career.

But there's a cold shoulder war raging against this woman. At work, in public gatherings, in malls, shops, restaurants and, believe it or not, in church pews, she is treated like a pest.

Looking good has become a curse for her because other women are threatened by her beauty. Every day young and gorgeous women have to put up with jealousy, envy, petty behaviour and cattiness from other women who feel threatened by them.

The behaviour does not only affect ordinary people. Celebrities also suffer from this syndrome.

Afro Pop singer and model Phumeza Dlwathi says her beauty has become somewhat of a curse for her.

"Everywhere I go I'm subjected to abuse from women who are intimidated by my looks. In restaurants and shops I find it difficult to get good service from waitresses and shop assistants."

She adds that this behaviour is rampant in showbiz circles.

"Most female celebrities are threatened by the way some of us young celebrities look. I have experienced pettiness and ridicule from many of them who are threatened by my looks. At functions some celebrities give me the cold shoulder while some give me that nasty look."

Dlwathi adds that this nasty behaviour even prompted her to write a song titled Indoda Yakho.

Asanda Mabuya (not her real name), a gorgeous young accountant, says she had to find another church after being subjected to abuse from church ushers and married women who were threatened by her looks.

"Every time I entered the church men looked at me, not because I was seductive but because I have striking beauty features and I have a light complexion. Women used to hiss and murmur. When you sit next to them in church you get nasty grins. They judge you by your hair, nails and eyelashes.

"Some called me Jezebel behind my back. When I tried to reach out to them they gave me the cold shoulder."

Bongiwe Khumalo, a colleague who has also been subjected to envy in church and other places, blames men for this problem.

"Wives do not know what is expected of them anymore. Men tell their wives to be plain but once they leave their homes they drool over stylish women who take good care of themselves.

"This causes tension between bling and plain women. Plain women start viewing women who take care of themselves with suspicion, or judge and condemn them even before knowing them well."

Khumalo says what she has noticed is that when married women realise that an attractive lady is not wearing a ring, they become uncomfortable.

"It is said that women are usually judged by characteristics that they have little control over; something that they did not create, and that exists outside of themselves, such as their physical appearance."

Pastor Linda Maqegu of Emmanuel Christ Church admits that tensions exist between attractive and plain women in church.

"Many women who cared little about beauty or glamour, but devoted themselves entirely to their family, feel they are given a run for their money by young and attractive women."

She adds that young women can sometimes be seductive and disruptive in church.

"Some of them come in showy clothes that reveal cleavage and some are too friendly with other people's husbands.

"We even decided to start collecting offering from the pews because young ladies were distracting congregants with their showy clothes."

Maqegu says some men tend to give in to temptation.

"Older men want to see if they still have what it takes to attract younger women and of course some men are not that interested in sex with their wives when they've been together for a long time."

She advises wives to take extra efforts to keep themselves fit and looking beautiful (despite their age) to keep their husbands interested in them, and it is up to the husbands to appreciate the efforts.

Why do women hate other beautiful women?

Asiphe Ndlela, a psychologist in Illovo, says beauty is worshipped in our society.

"Thousands of rands are spent on hair, make-up, spa treatments to reverse ageing effects. Beauty is based on the attractiveness of her competition and that the impression of attractiveness is based upon who else is in the vicinity. Thus an averagely attractive woman will appear more attractive in a room full of ugly women. Likewise she will look less attractive at a beauty queen party. Hot girls make other women look ugly."

Ndlela says this might be one of the reasons why beautiful women are hated by other women. Jealousy rages and rumours start to fly. These women know who is likely to get the most attention and the most free drinks.

"Women intuitively know that most heterosexual males find extraordinarily beautiful women sexually irresistible and if that beautiful woman wanted her man, he would be hers for the taking.

"Usually it's because they aren't confident in themselves and their personal strengths so they make up for them by lashing out at others who have what they themselves lack."