Marriage is taboo to him
YOU ARE both in love with each other but that magic moment, down on one knee with a ring, hasn't happened yet...
Beware the romantic dejection game (first showers you with love then treats you like a doormat)
Should you be patient and not put pressure on him lest you scare him off or should you nudge him to propose?
An interesting read by John Molloy, Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams, reveals that nearly three out of four engaged women got a proposal only after putting on a bit of pressure.
"The thing about guys is, they don't think about it. Women often have to bring up the subject of marriage," Molloy says.
Types of men who marry:
Molloy writes that university educated men are most likely to consider marriage when they're 28 to 33, and that "high-commitment period" is 33 to 36 for doctors, lawyers and others who go to graduate school.
Men who wear bachelorhood as a badge of honour are unlikely to commit - the chance a man will marry diminishes after age 37 or 38, and decreases even more after 43. However, Molloy says a man aged 40-plus who's been married before is a better risk than a perennial bachelor.
If a guy portrays marriage as a prison, it's a red flag. He's probably not the marrying kind, Molloy says.
He says some men are "stringers,". They like the companionship without the commitment. They should be given a six-month deadline to commit or move on.
About the women they marry
Molloy says that the women men marry are often a match in terms of their backgrounds. They come from a similar socio-economic class and have congruent values and religious and political views.
Women who have talent and self-confidence and put an effort into looking their best are attractive to self-assured men.
Women who make the effort to spend time with single men (by joining recreational clubs where people have similar interests, for example) are more likely to wed.
"There's a meet-guys life-style and a non-meet lifestyle. Women who go out of their way to meet men and have a good time are more likely to get married," Molloy says.
Marriage
Monogamy usually comes within six months for those who will marry, and after a year of exclusive dating, an engagement is a realistic next step.
But when you first meet a potential mate-for-life, nurture your budding relationship by focusing on his future, health and career. Avoid speaking of marriage at least for the first six dates or so.
"Women scare guys off all the time by bringing up marriage too soon," says Molloy.
According to psychologist Asiphe Ndlela some men will never marry no matter what you do.
"These are commitment-phobic men. They keep you waiting for the day they'll finally agree to live with you, marry you or commit to you. But they never do. They are hard to resist because they compliment you and appeal to your vanity. And they lie," says Ndlela.
These signs means a guy is commitment phobic:
- It is always you who brings up commitment and marriage;
- He gets anxious or uncomfortable if you try to discuss your future together;
- He had endless short relationships and always dumped his ex-partners;
- He often postpones dates and appointments at the very last minute and gives you silly excuses;
- He shrinks from displaying public affection, especially in front of his friends;
- He often introduces you to his friends as: "She's my friend";
- He never discusses his family with you;
- He does not introduce you to his family;
- He shows no signs of commitment to his personal belongings (car, house, career or even a pet).
- He plays the romantic dejection game (first showers you with love then treats you like a doormat).
- Additional info www. ezinearticles.com
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Wanya
Marriage is a lifetime bond so it is important for couples to work their compatabilities before they tie knot though it is impossible to be 100% match and take a relationship with its maturity levels and have a naked true about yourself and be open to each other do not make yourself up to meet your partner's campatabilities as this will fade away as time goes by.Wanya wa ga KUKU.
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Galithan
eish this marriege thing mara ,similer problem i have i have only been dating for 3-4 month with may man and he wants to get married already and says no Prenyago until we wed! said thou how can i get wed with someone that i have not prenyago with ?Report Abuse
TruthHurts
@Galithan...lol! You are in for a big surprise there. Most people tend to forget that sex and the goodness of it is important in a relationship, until they are married. Then they marry and find out it is not good, then they cheat....and the rest that follows is missery.Report Abuse
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CrazyMajor
@Galithan....iyonna mmawee!!! 4 - 5 months and u'r talking marriage but u still haven't tasted his choc-stick??? my guess is...he wants to taste the "fruit at the centre of your garden" but he doesn't know how to bring up the subject, so he hides behind the marriage topic. @TruthHurts....i agree fully with u fully there when u say she's in for a BIG SURPRISE!!! @KUKU...u've hit it striaght on the"kuku!!!" lol
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beke
Galithan,I think 4-5 months is too early for someone to start talking about marriage.Couples need to get to know each other first before tying the knot.And to thik that you havent done noocky noocky...lol.May be ur partner is desperate,maybe he feels long over due in getting married.But whatever you do dont be pressurised in to doing something that you not ready.Ask yourself if you are ready and that your partner is the one who you want to spend the rest of ur life with.Phela once you in ,its hard to get out!!
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Mara as a woman if you are in your 20's then you must think of settling down....otherwise o tla ba LEFETWA......hey....
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Khumalo
My way of thinking is that a couple should first live together for at least a year to find out if they really match and are happy together before any commitments, never marry or commit to somebody you have'nt lived with coz you never really know them until you live with them. somebody you see outside can be totally different when you put them in the house, it worked for me, now we are on our 10th year happily married with kids.Report Abuse