Movie Review: Mad Buddies
OH, schuks! I can't believe Leon Schuster's still in the reel game. It's a mystery how he's managed to survive the duelling industry of film-making.
It's mind-blowing how he's been able to pull wool over our eyes with his half-cooked slapstick jokes that mostly rely on racial stereotypes and sheer stupidity.
And he has balls to sell it to us South Africans - the worst critics in the world - under a pseudo genre he terms comedy. Comedy? Really? What comedy?
This, flick fans, is not comedy as we know it, but Schusterism, a sharp nudge aimed at our iron rib cages to stop taking things so seriously and laugh at ourselves silly.
But with every Schuster release, we queue up at our cinemas, flash our depreciating rand and take the film in hook, line and sinker, while moaning non-stop.
That's hardcore patriotism and it doesn't get better than Schusterism - and let it be known to all that I coined this phrase first, okay?
Schuster's a tata-ma-chance filmmaker who, over the years, has mastered the knack of pranking us with his senseless stunts and making money, without fail.
Now I understand why some highly respected and educated folks have a lot of respect for criminals when they hit the jackpot and get away with it.
Schuster is a film criminal - and he deserves to be shot dead by camera - because there's no record of him attending a film school to learn his craft.
And that's why I call it Schusterism; yep, it's his own making. His self-taught "comedy" brand is an institution, and you're one of his admirers - don't deny it.
And now, in his new cracker Mad Buddies, Schuster was able to rope in Walt Disney to, on top of touching up some animation scenes, distribute the movie worldwide.
The subject matter that sets the movie into motion is anti-animal poaching and it's so colloquial - that means relevant, current and topical, my friend.
Oh yes, you've seen or read the anti-rhino poaching headlines and stories. But that's not the point.
The point is, Boetie (Schuster) and Beast (Kenneth Nkosi) meet on the job - in the bush - as the brainless persecutors of animal poachers, but they don't like each other from the onset.
A scuffle breaks out, Boetie loses a toe and Beast is chased by a lion into a pit. Between you and me, it's not a racist incident, but this line of thought is taken advantage of by at least two people in the movie.
When Boetie, who is still limping, and Beast bump into each other at the wedding of the minister of tourism Mda's (Alfred Ntombela) daughter, feathers fly.
As punishment for their public spat, the minister sends them on a 500km walk from KwaZulu-Natal to Gauteng to learn to get along and to "demonstrate racial harmony" in a racially divided Mzansi.
But unbeknown to them is that the trip is filmed live on TV and all South Africans can view their antics, thanks to the cunning but gorgeous producer Kelsey (Tanit Phoenix).
The turn of events during the road trip is hilarious, except for a few unpalatable scenes (euew!), and it's pleasing to witness how Boetie and Beast team up when they realise that they have been tricked.
Indeed, Schuster's filmmaking is getting better with time.
A few months down the line some obscure university running short of candidates will slap him with an honorary degree - wanna bet?
But my advice to him is not to take it, for the degree will be fake (Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!).
Well done on Mad Buddies, boet. The script and the production are not too shabby. But broer, please lose the racial touch in your next project. It's a tiring subject, ok? Think out of the racial box for a change. Please!