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Chasing aliens: Will Smith

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ALLOW me to bite a teeny-weeny piece of your ear (chillex, it won't bleed, it's a figure of speech, you thick-headed model C) just for a minute and I'll whisper un-sweet nothings to it about Men in Black 3, which hits your cinema today .

Call it dangerous comic fun if you like, but I think the concept has been thoroughly exhausted and it's tired now.

Certainly, Tommy Lee Jones (Agent K) is too old to go wheezing around the streets and buildings of New York City trying to get even with the "aliens" in a black suit.

Some of us who've had a short stint with physical science will tell you that the colour black, as dignified as it is on a garment, devours sunlight and brings boiling degrees of heat on the wearer. So I feel for Tommy, I do; especially since he's old and can't keep this up for long, unless some scientist nerd creates Athletic Viagra for the Ageing.

I feel for Tommy, particularly since he doesn't feel for his ageing bones himself. When asked if he'd avail himself for a fourth sequel, he said, and I quote: "It is easy to pick up where we left off . we know what we're doing . [and] how to do it. It's a hell of a lot of fun."

Fun, my foot. You just love the big pay cheque you octogenarian. I'm kidding, Tommy, you're only 66 years old. But still.

Oh, Will Smith (Agent J)! Big Will is a likeable fella and millions of lady fans out there were sort of anticipating that he would break free from wife Jada-Pinkett so that they could snatch him. Don't you dare deny it now.

Will is a funny guy but in Men in Black 3 his comical side is on a break and for that we can point our fingers at the guy who wrote the script, Etan Cohen.

Etan's screenplay tries too hard to please and adhere to the franchise's format.

It almost pulls it off, except that this third sequel is 10 years older than its predecessor, Men in Black 2 (2002) and this joking pattern has evolved.

The fact that Men in Black has a third sequel and a mooted fourth, is director Barry Sonnenfeld's obsession. Don't you have other brilliant ideas, Mr Sonnenfeld?

The funniest bit, though, about the resurfacing of Men in Black is that it was Will Smith's idea.

Yes, he suggested to Sonnenfeld (who bought it) that he (Agent J) go back in time (flashbacks, oh yeah) where he rescues his old partner, Agent K from... take a guess.

One thing I still can't get over is the absence of Frank, the talking dog. Boris the Killer (Jemain Clement), a blast from the past, comes back and takes us back to the past, literally speaking.

Your perverted eyes will get overly excited when they encounter Boris' girlfriend, Pussycat Doll's Nicole Scherzinger (Lewis Hamilton's dashing ex) as she sashays around in prison, carrying a cake. Oh, my.

But then she disappears instantly without a trace or, at the very least, a fair explanation from the movie producers.