Better sit this one out kids - it's abhorrent
MOVIE REVIEW: The Sitter
I SOMETIMES wonder why I do what I do: review movies, that is, if I'm to be subjected to watching repulsive films like The Sitter.
I mean, it's nice to sit on a cozy chair and snack on delicious snacks that we film critics are "softened" with by our hosts, the movie houses.
And for the taste of the food to linger until the credits roll, the film itself has to be sumptuous. That is, it must be well put together.
The cinematography, the script, the wardrobe, the cast - the works - have to be in sync (well-balanced, that is).
The Sitter, unfortunately, has none of these qualities, to my dismay.
To watch it right up to the end takes great courage, and that courage can only be egged on by the constant reminder that I love what I do for a living.
The Sitter stars Jonah Hill, whom I started to take note of in Moneyball, a 2011 biographical sports drama, alongside Brad Pitt, for which he (Jonah) was nominated for an Oscar in the Best Supporting Role category.
Before then I took a good look at him in Get Him to the Greek, a shambolic project that tried too hard to be comical and, needless to say, Jonah was a sight for sore eyes. Between you and me, I don't rate him that highly and I'm surprised he's, in fact, a producer and screenwriter on top of being an unlaughable comedian.
Jonah has actually rubbed out his standing-ovation showing in Moneyball and with The Sitter he's back where he belongs: being a star of C-movies with headless and tail-less (tacky, that's the word I'm trying to find) storylines.
And he'll never be taken seriously in Tinseltown (Hollywood, you dummy). Not with an addition like The Sitter to his filmography (the list of film he's appeared in).
In the film, Jonah is Noah, the college dropout who opts to become a babysitter to make ends meet, thanks to a suggestion by his mom.
Question is, how can a big baby look after three children? The three kidos are Slater (Max Records), Blithe (Laundry Bender) and adopted son Rodrigo (Kevin Hernandez).
The story idea is disastrous, so is the execution. To start with, Noah has a "girlfriend" who prefers oral sex with him (yep, the language is a bit wayward in the film) but only if he ships in drugs for her to a party.
Because he's desperate (to have a shag) he does it, at a price of stealing the car (with the kids inside) that belongs to his employer, a Mrs Pedulla, the mother of the troublesome kids he's minding.
He meets Karl (Sam Rockwell), the drug peddler who disguises his trade by stashing it inside baby dinosaur eggs in his body-building shop.
Things go awry when Rodrigo steals one egg from Karl, and the latter slaps Noah with a $10000 (R75000) debt.
Noah must pay this money or otherwise he's a dead man. If The Sitter were the name of a dish, I'd say it's exceptionally undercooked.