I HAVE been married for six years to the most horrible man you can imagine..
Mdluli entered the public space almost out of nowhere when he secretly walked into the Machine Gun Man's office to hand him a highly controversial, apparently unsolicited, intelligence report implicating several high-profile political personalities in a plot - real or imagined - to oust him.
It was a move that was to earn the crime intelligence boss the trust of the president, who in return promised to reward him with an appointment as national police commissioner as soon as the out-of-favour Bheki Cele, who was among those implicated in the plot, had been disposed of.
In the interim Mdluli was given carte blanche powers to spy on and monitor the movements of the Machine Gun Man's suspected enemies, making him one of the most powerful men in Mzansi.
He became so powerful that the mere mention of his name sent shivers down the spines of politicians and police officers alike. With him around, even ordinary folk like Guluva quake in their boots in fear.
But the good news is that Mdluli's reign of terror will not be for long. Everything will pass.
After all, the name Mdluli means "the one who passes by".
In fact, he took his first step into oblivion when Police Minister Nathi Mthethwa announced in the National Assembly on Wednesday that he was shifting him from crime intelligence to an as yet unknown division in the police force.
Mdluli's two minutes of fame (or infamy) are, if you like, a passing phase.
SO the Guptas are no longer the flavour of the month in the Machine Gun Man's household.
Unable to settle his R1.5-million wedding bill, the Machine Gun Man's eldest son, Edward, informed the company that ran the wedding that he was unfortunately not in a position to pay them at this stage since he was still waiting for "foreign funds" to be "released" to him.
Guluva wonders who the foreign benefactors are.
Surely, they can't be the Guptas, who have since made Mzansi their home.
IF you thought the days when Mzansi used to play second fiddle to men were long gone, think again.
In the Machine Gun Man's extended household - of all places - men call the shots and women are there to listen and do as they are told, with no questions asked.
Phumelele Zuma, the Machine Gun Man's lovely daughter-in-law, gave us an insight into the goings-on in Mzansi's first family after she was contacted by a newspaper reporter to comment on a wedding ring the couple borrowed for their lavish nuptials but have still not returned to its rightful owner or owners several months later.
Mzansi's first daughter-in-law calmly responded to the reporter's question: "Unfortunately my husband deals with the media. I'm not allowed to comment..."
Guluva's pal reckons that this is the same as saying: "My place is in the kitchen".
E-mail Guluva on email@example.com.