Set in the picturesque venue of the Munro Boutique hotel in Houghton, Johannesburg, the Mzansi’s Sex.
Any right-thinking person would be outraged. Such senseless and barbaric acts do not belong in the modern world, especially not in a constitutional democracy like ours.
But then councillor Nomvuselelo Tontsi went completely off the rails when, during the launch of the first phase of the R13-million Kings Beach upgrading programme, she threatened to mobilise all rape survivors in Port Elizabeth to take the law into their own hands and castrate suspected rapists if the police failed to arrest them.
Tontsi was so serious about this that she even went to Ain't Seen Nothing Yet regional chairman Nceba "Giraffe" Faku to tell him about her plans to avenge the barbarity to which the young woman, who has since moved to Gauteng, was subjected.
Tontsi's idea of justice is the stuff mindless thuggery is made of.
Though your anger is completely understandable, such a thuggish attitude is no different from the atrocious behaviour and dastardly acts of the rapists you are going after, Comrade Tontsi.
It is for this reason that Guluva does not blame people who refer to you as Comrade Tsotsi.
IT HAS been a while since Texas Southern University in the United States conferred an honorary doctorate on the Machine Gun Man, and yet Guluva cannot recall anyone calling him a "doctor", which has been a real pity.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the institution of higher education in question was rated 3051st out of 6000 universities around the world. Guluva has no way of knowing.
But things are seemingly beginning to change, for the better.
On Friday last week Guluva heard Zanoxolo Wayile, the executive mayor of Nelson Mandela Bay, referring to the Machine Gun Man as "the honourable Dr Jacob Zuma" when he was delivering a vote of thanks at the official opening of the Port of Ngqura.
And he is not alone in this. A Transnet Group press release distributed after the event announced to the whole world: "The President of the Republic of South Africa, Dr Jacob Zuma, today officially opened the state-of-the-art deep water Port of Ngqura.."
It's now confirmed; we have a doctor in the house.
Now, will all those who have been passing snide remarks about our prez's educational achievements and comparing him to the Sussex University-educated Tobacco Pipe Smoking Intellectual please stop?
GULUVA was happy for Avis when he saw a billboard at OR Tambo International Airport the other day proclaiming that the well-known car hire company is, finally, number one in its area of business.
It is quite an achievement for a company that for many years operated under the pay-off line: "Soon We'll be Number One" and later "We Try Harder".
It might have taken Avis decades of trying harder to become number one, but for the company, we guess, it happened soon enough.
E-mail Guluva at thatha.guluva@ @gmail.com