GULUVA was sipping an energy drink in the pause area of an upmarket gym located next to a stunning tennis court in a larney suburb the other day when two fit-looking men in snow-white shorts, expensive sneakers, tennis rackets in their hands and white bandannas strapped around their heads walked in and took their seats next to him.

And Guluva being Guluva, he could not resist eavesdropping on their conversation.

First man: "You know, comrade, I have just realised that you and I have so many things in common."

Second man: "What do you mean we have so many things in common?"

First man: "For starters, you are SS, and I am also SS. See?"

Second man (leaning forward): "I don't get it, man. What are you talking about?"

First man: "First SS as in Schabir Shaik and second SS as in Sicelo Shiceka. And both of us are supposed to be gravely ill, but look at us, we are both alive and well and kicking and enjoying the fruits of our liberation struggle. We are living it up, man.

"I liked the way you put it on the radio the other day when you said: 'I am very, very much well, in terms of my feelings, my body is carrying me very well. Generally myself as a human being, as a person, I feel good, comparatively speaking. I am travelling a lot, different places, playing tennis. I am on top of the world.'

"No sick man can say that. I can also see for myself that you are on top of the world."

Second man: "Let's not even go there, man. Let's just say I was misquoted."

First man: "Misquoted? How can one be misquoted on the radio, my friend?"

Second man: "OK, OK! I was not misquoted, but my comments were aired completely out of context. Because of that, I am in trouble with this nosy little woman called the public protector.

"She's always snooping around for information. This is not what we fought for. We fought for freedom in the true sense of the word.

"Now, coming back to your issues: you are the one who is supposed to be dead, not me. I have never said I was terminally ill."

First man: "True, but you have been out of action for eight months now. I don't want to be rude, but that's one helluva sick leave, man. You might just well be dying for all I care.

"As for me, I don't know whether I'm dead or alive anymore. Everybody has deserted me. Even my old friend, Jayzee, is avoiding me like the plaque. He has stopped phoning me. He does not even send me an SMS."

Second man: "I didn't know you as a keen tennis player, but as a golfer. What puts you here?"

First man (sighs): "They moerd me big time there, broer. I don't want to go back to that riff-raff. Tennis is now my game and I'm glad I found you. I now have a trusted travel companion.

"You and I have all the time in the world to travel to, as you put it 'different places', including Switzerland to check out your chick. Who knows, maybe I can also find me a nice chick in that jail. No one can blame me because I'm practically a married bachelor."

Second man: "You're damn right, my friend. There's only one snag, though: that nosy little woman called the public protector. She's the one who is standing between us and real freedom."

E-mail Guluva on: thatha.guluva@gmail.com