LONG-SUFFERING Somalis have, believe it or not, always admired Mzansi's indigenous languages and how we converse so beautifully among ourselves here down south.

Unfortunately the Somalis seemingly find the spelling of some of our names and words a bit dodgy.

But this has not affected their love for our rich linguistic heritage.

After all, up northwest from them - in Libya to be exact - they spell the name Gaddafi 112 different ways: Qaddafi, Qadhafi, Kaddafi, Gadhafi, Kadafi, el-Gadhafi, Khadafy, AlGadafi, Gadaafi, Qadhdhafi, to mention but a few variations.

Apparently the spelling used in the dictator's passport is Gathafi.

The deposed Libyan leader also does not give a hoot whether you call him Muammar, Moammar or Muammer.

So, misspelling one name here and another there, cannot really be a train smash for the Somalis, who are so in love with Mzansi's indigenous languages that they could not resist naming one of the hospitals, in the Somali capital Mogadishu, Forlanini.

This was their way of saying, "when are you going to get better?" as you might have realised by now, fola ningor phola nini, in Sesotho and isiZulu, respectively, means exactly that.

These are appropriate phrases for a hopelessly underfunded and understaffed, fly-infested hospital with creaky infrastructure, leaky sewerage pipes, no drugs, no linen and no working phones. The Somalis know there is no guarantee that their sickly relatives admitted to such an institution will ever get better, hence their question to their loved ones every time they visit them in hospital: Forlanini?

Well, Guluva knows a couple of hospitals here in Mzansi that should be renamed Forlanini, Fola Ning or Phola Nini. Even though some of them are named Leratong (place of love) and Nkhensani (be thankful), we all know you never get better when you are admitted to any of them.

Source of frustration

GULUVA is tearing his hair out - or whatever is left of it.

The source of his frustration is the Machine Gun Man and Sathyandranath Ragunanan Maharaj, aka Mac the Mechanic.

The other day the presidential spin doctor reacted angrily after he was asked why it was taking so long for the Machine Gun Man to take action against Public Works Minister Gwen Mahlangu-Nkabinde and police commissioner General Bheki Cele, who have both been implicated in wrongdoing in the Public Protector's report on the police lease deals debacle.

"The president takes the report very seriously, which is why he has decided not to take hasty or haphazard decisions," said Mac the Mechanic.

The ink had hardly dried when he was asked again why his boss was not taking action against Cooperative Governance Minister Sicelo Shiceka, who has been accused of spending taxpayers' money where he was not supposed to.

Mac the Mechanic said the Presidency was still waiting for the Public Protector's report.

"We have had no word on when her report will be ready. So until then our president's hands are a little bit tied."

When you have the report for two months, you can't take "hasty or haphazard" decisions. When you don't have the report, you want the report.

Guluva is no longer sure whether we are coming or going.

E-mail Guluva on thatha.guluva@gmail.com