The Department of Public Works has, it has been reported, quietly offered property mogul Roux Shabangu, who until recently was one of the Machine Gun Man's buddies, a cool R50 million to walk away from the sorry mess. A cool R50 million for doing nothing! Just imagine that

GULUVA was at his favourite watering hole in Dube, Soweto, late on Wednesday afternoon for his usual midweek sundowner and a casual chat with the boys.

The place was, as usual, teeming with professionals, intellectuals, yuppies, black diamonds, tenderpreneurs, celebrities, academics, journalists and street rascals like Guluva.

Guluva arrived in the middle of a raging debate sparked by the Machine Gun Man's surprise decision to nominate little-known Judge Mogoeng Mogoeng for the position of chief justice.

While many in the crammed shebeen defended the president's right to nominate whoever he fancied for the top job on the bench, others said the Machine Gun Man had demonstrated a lack of political maturity by blatantly overlooking genuine contenders such as judges Dikgang Moseneke and Sisi Khampepe.

Then, in what almost bordered on character assassination, they started tearing into the poor judge's person; with some saying he got the Ain't Seen Nothing Yet's nod because he had in the past almost always found himself writing minority judgments that favoured the Machine Gun Man and his crowd.

Though many argued that it was unfair and premature to criticise the judge before he had even assumed the position he had been nominated for, others said, quoting political analyst Eusebius McKaiser and others, that Mogoeng had limited academic and judicial output on constitutional matters to warrant such a promotion.

The debate got so heated that it almost divided the house along political and ideological lines. It was at this point that a man, who had all along been sitting quietly in a corner, butted in and said: "I hear what you guys are saying. What I don't understand is, why does our president nominate a moegoe, of all people in Mzansi, to head the judiciary?"

Someone immediately corrected him: "No, no, no! The judge is not a moegoe. Just because his name is Mogoeng Mogoeng does not make him or mean he is a moegoe."

Angry at having his ignorance so bluntly exposed, the man retorted: "Whatever, as long as Mogoeng Mogoeng does not make himself a moegoe on that bench."

Money for jam

IN the wake of so many shenanigans about tenders and missing millions that have been dominating the news of late, you might or might not have been aware that the man at the centre of the R1,7billion police lease deals fiasco will not just disappear into the sunset empty-handed after all.

The Department of Public Works has, it has been reported, quietly offered property mogul Roux Shabangu, who until recently was one of the Machine Gun Man's buddies, a cool R50 million to walk away from the sorry mess. A cool R50 million for doing nothing! Just imagine that.

But Shabangu is holding out and suing the department for R1 billion for what Guluva reckons is breach of contract.

"I told them I'm not interested. I can't walk away from something that I am so confident about," Roux reportedly told the Sunday Times.

If Guluva, who has never seen a million bucks with his own eyes in his entire miserable life, were Shabangu, he would have grabbed the loot and ran.

This is what Sandile Zungu, another of the Machine Gun Man's closest mates, would aptly call money for jam.

E-mail Guluva on thatha.guluva@gmail.com.