AS ARSONISTS, louts, looters and rioters rampaged through the streets of London in one of the most violent demonstrations in England's history, Guluva's heart went out to all those Mzansi citizens who quietly sneaked out of their "violent" country some years ago to seek refuge in one of the most prosperous, peaceful and "civilised" cities in the world

Guluva and his pals might not have approved of their chickening out at the time we needed them most, but seeing some of them being caught up in this mindless London mayhem the way they were, was a very traumatic experience for Guluva.

As you know, blood is thicker than water.

The only thing that gave Guluva a bit of cheer and a chuckle in all this madness, though, was the surfacing of nominative determinism - an ancient phenomenon that in one way or another connects people's names, nicknames or surnames with their current or future professions or business interests.

One of the people who felt the brunt of the looters - for a moment it felt like home for her - was a hapless Mzansi expat who now owns a Wimpy fast-food outlet.

The fast-food chain is, as you know, in the business of making, among other things, hamburgers and other tasty ham-based food items.

The owner of the ill-fated London outlet, which had its windows smashed during the violence is, believe it or not - Odile Ham.

What is even more interesting about Ham is that when she went to London a few years ago to set up her thriving ham-making business, if you like, she did not choose just any location that popped up .

Of all the places she could have located it, she chose, wait for it, Clapham Junction.

That is why Guluva would not be surprised if he were to be told that Odile Ham in fact comes from Hamburg, a tiny coastal town in the southeastern part of Mzansi.

Guluva also has a feeling that Ham is not coming back home to Mzansi anytime soon.

The street rascal would also not be taken aback at all if Ham were to end up in Hamburg, Germany.

We were here before

IT is no secret that the Machine Gun Man hates the Tobacco Pipe Smoking Intellectual with a passion; but Mzansi's most skilful and famous dancer still has enormous respect for the learned one and how he used to run things in Mzansi.

It would seem that before the Machine Gun Man takes a decision he asks himself: how would T-Bose have done it?

You will remember that it took almost two weeks - with a visit to Chile thrown in - for the Tobacco Pipe Smoking intellectual to ask the Machine Gun Man to "step aside" from his position as the country's deputy president following the conviction of his financial adviser Schabir Shaik that fateful June in 2005.

If you wonder why police commissioner General Bheki Cele and Public Works Minister Gwen Mahlangu-Nkabinde are still in their jobs several weeks after Public Protector Thuli Madonsela had found them involved in improper conduct in the controversial R1,6 billion police deals concerning new police headquarters.

Yes, Guluva knows, we have been here before.

E-mail Guluva on thatha.guluva@gmail.com.