YOU can accuse the Woodwork Boy aka Juju of many things under the sun, but you certainly cannot find fault in his brutal honesty.

The recently re-elected Ain't Seen Nothing Yet's kindergarten prefect has admitted, but not in so many words, that he gets horribly inebriated at times and ends up doing a lot of mischief as a result.

Sometimes his mind gets so poisoned by excessively imbibing these waters of immorality, especially those of the Johnnie Walker Blue and Chivas Regal variety, that he does not know who or where he is.

But being the calculating politician that he is, the Woodwork Boy is careful not to venture into hallowed or sacred ground.

Asked by an e-News Channel reporter on the eve of the kindergarten's four-day jamboree at Gallagher Estate in Midrand if he harboured any ambitions of becoming Ain't Seen Nothing Yet's and Mzansi's president one day, the firebrand politician said the thought had never crossed his mind, not even "when I'm drunk".

After all, wasn't he the one who once told us that "no drunkard can wake up in the morning and think he can be president"?

Half-full or half-empty

Andile Lungisa, the organiser of the 35th anniversary of the June 16 commemoration service at Orlando Stadium in Soweto, steadfastly refuses to admit that the celebration had descended into a fiasco when President "M-shower-lozi" arrived more than three-and-a-hours late to address an almost empty stadium after being held up at the Ain't Seen Nothing Yet's elective jamboree.

Lungisa, forever the optimist, said the Orlando Stadium event was not a flop because the venue was half-full (which it clearly was not) when the Machine Gun Man arrived with the Woodwork Boy in tow at about 5pm.

Which begs the question: would the National Youth Development Agency chief executive have conceded that the celebrations were a fiasco if someone had, for instance, told him that the stadium was half-empty when the president arrived?

Hawks and doves

The sting operation was executed with such flawless military precision that there was no room for the suspect to escape.

That the operation had been meticulously planned, almost to a man and up to the last minute, was never in doubt.

In fact, no resources were spared by the Hawks to nab their man.

When the stakeout finally ended after the suspect was caught red-handed trying to pay a bribe to an undercover police officer, the whole country knew about it almost instantaneously.

It was branded as one of the Hawks' success stories of the year.

Such was the blaze of publicity that followed the catch.

The big fish in this case was fading soccer personality Phil "Mr Jones" Setshedi.

The amount involved was a R2000 alleged bribe to fix a second division play-off soccer match.

How Guluva wishes the Hawks could demonstrate the same intensity, passion and determination when investigating the multi-billion rand arms deal, the slaying of underworld kingpin Lolly Jackson and other criminal cases of that nature.

E-mail Guluva on thatha.guluva@gmail.com