“Wow‚ he’s so hot… I wonder if he’s circumcised” These are the words of a radio ad that has mother N.
This is the time - and probably the only time in a long time - that they find themselves on top of the world and the top brass licking the soles of their shoes. This is the time when the people they voted into power have suddenly become powerless.
Guluva has seen many Ain't Seen Nothing Yet leaders traversing the length and breadth of the country visiting its every nook and cranny, in search of votes. He has watched them as they humbly went down on their knees, pleading with hostile and visibly agitated crowds not to waste their ballots on other parties.
It is not a pretty sight at all. Guluva genuinely feels sorry for them, and sheds a tear or two when he sees them so vulnerable and powerless in front of antagonistic and uncompromising voters, especially those who threaten not to vote.
Guluva must, however, credit them for taking flak in their stride.
But not all prominent Ain't Seen Nothing Yet members are in the trenches. One of those who are conspicuous by their absence is Marthinus van Schalkwyk, aka Kortbroek, formerly of the National Party (NP).
While long-suffering voters in Mzansi's neglected informal settlements give the Ain't Seen Nothing Yet's top guns - from the president himself down to the prefect of the party's kindergarten - a tough time, Kortbroek continues to live it up. Just the other day - on March 29 to be exact - when the party's election machinery was already in full throttle and his comrades were dirtying their hands in informal settlements and going from door to door begging for votes, Kortbroek was, in contrast, having a great time in Limpopo.
His communications people could not have put it better when they reported on the government website: "Against the regal backdrop of the Royal Court at Ga-Modjadji and the splendour of Limpopo, Mr Marthinus van Schalkwyk, the Minister of Tourism, today celebrated the launch of the new domestic tourism campaign and announced domestic tourism figures for 2010."
Nice job, if you can get it. But if you remember well, all Kortbroek did to get it was to deliver the NP's ghost to Ain't Seen Nothing Yet following the death of apartheid 17 years ago.
Everyone knows by now that when you vote for Ain't Seen Nothing Yet, you vote for God. There's no ambiguity about that, and that's the gospel according to the Reverend JG Zuma, aka Machine Gun Man.
As for Cope, Guluva did not know until now what it was that the beleaguered party will offer the electorate on May 18.
One of the leaders of the party in Eastern Cape is Comrade Mlamli Tsotsi, who has of late been very vocal about the chaotic state of affairs that the Ain't Seen Nothing Yet-run Nelson Mandela Bay municipality finds itself in.
But Guluva is, for obvious reasons, uncomfortable with anyone called a tsotsi.
While we all know that Ain't Seen Nothing Yet has run that metro into the ground, possibly with God's blessings, can we really replace its inept and incompetent councillors with a bunch of tsotsis or com-tsotsis as they used to be called in the bad old mid-1980s?
Guluva does not think so.
E-mail Guluva on firstname.lastname@example.org