A LOT of noise was generated about the cost of holding this year's cabinet lekgotla at the exclusive Legends Golf & Safari Resort in the tranquil Waterberg region of Limpopo instead of having it at the usual venue - the Presidential Guest House in Tshwane.

With some reports estimating the cost of taking the five-day jamboree to the bush resort at R15million, it was to be expected that a lot of people would be peeved, especially since the government's focus now is supposed to be on creating jobs, jobs and more jobs.

So it was a great relief when government spin doctor Themba Maseko, who was visibly livid at these reports, moved quickly to put the record straight. He was emphatic the jamboree only cost R2,5million. This meant, he said, that each South African contributed a mere five cents to the cost.

This was an unprecedented justification of expenditure by any government official since 1994, which is refreshing.

Maseko's extraordinary extrapolation of the figure to the bare minimum might have been, in all probability, driven by a feeling of guilt. But if the intention was to make Guluva and other South Africans feel good, he succeeded.

The extrapolation made a lot of cents, so to speak, especially in a country afflicted by so much poverty, unemployment and underdevelopment.

But all Guluva wants to know from Maseko is: how much is his return on his five cents investment likely to be? Will it be an extra five cents, or 10 cents even?

Guluva just wants to be assured that the lekgotla was really worth it for him.

Welcome to Sin City

Eleven Mzansi prisons are soon to undergo name changes, thanks to our Gaoler-In-Chief, Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula, who has invited all South Africans to submit written proposals over the next few weeks. Guluva can't let this opportunity to give his two cents' worth slip through his fingers.

These ugly facilities, Guluva believes, should not be named after any of our struggle stalwarts - as many might be tempted to do - but after some of the social misfits who made them their second homes at some or other point in their lives.

Struggle heroes cannot be associated with such facilities. They deserve better.

Names that readily come to mind include those of 1980s notorious bank robber André Stander, heartless apartheid assassin Eugène de Kock, hardened serial rapists Collins Chauke and Ananias Mathe, and their fellow traveller Thozamile Taki.

Flamboyant Ain't Seen Nothing Yet struggle icon Tony Yengeni is not, by any stretch of imagination, a hardened criminal like the aforementioned riff-raff, but Guluva cannot think of a better way of preserving his legacy than by renaming Pollsmoor Prison the Sithembiso Tony Yengeni Correctional Facility.

This is the facility, you will remember, that temporarily housed him a few years ago after "a minor misunderstanding" with prosecuting authorities regarding a discount on his Mercedes-Benz ML 320, also known as a Tony Yengeni.

This is where he was also famously carried shoulder high by his Ain't Seen Nothing Yet comrades shortly after his triumphant release.

Johannesburg Prison already has an established but unofficial name - Sun City. However, because some people still confuse the prison with the North West entertainment and holiday resort and think there's fun to be had there, Guluva suggests this name be changed to the more appropriate one - Sin City.

Email Guluva on: thatha.guluva@gmail.com