A COMPANY that specialises in cellphone ring tones and gives Lotto and Powerball tips, has bombarded Guluva with "quotable quotations" about money, poverty and wealth, a subject close to many people's hearts given the stark economic disparities facing Mzansi.

Although Guluva is a bit uncomfortable about his relationship with this company since he did not initiate it, he nevertheless finds some of the quotations it SMSes to him - whose authors are not mentioned - thought-provoking and interesting, while others are plain boring and pedestrian.

"We were so poor my dad unplugged the clocks when we went to bed," reads one, aptly demonstrating the desperate measures some people resort to when confronted with such abject poverty.

Another says: "When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it finds a way into my heart." Yes, indeed.

The mundane ones include: "I am so broke I can't even pay attention" and "If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys."

One Guluva found interesting says: "Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back." Pity there aren't many people like this around.

"Inflation hasn't ruined everything. A dime can still be used as a screwdriver," reads a witty one.

But this one really stands out: "If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people He gives it to."

Guluva agrees. If you look carefully around you, you will see that God can have an excellent sense of humour sometimes.

Borrowed bling

Much was made of the opulence that was flagrantly displayed at the Ain't Seen Nothing Yet's 99th anniversary in Polokwane at the weekend, where the party's who's who arrived stylishly dressed in shiny, new luxury wheels.

The Range Rovers, BMW X5s and X6s, Audi A6s, A8s and Q7s, Mercs and Lexuses competed for parking space as their occupants tried to outdo one another in showing off to all and sundry that they, too, had arrived.

Interestingly, the Ain't Seen Nothing Yet jamboree coincided with the weekend when most major car rental firms had strangely run out of luxury cars to rent out. A quick check revealed that all the luxury cars that they had rented out had, coincidentally, turned up in Polokwane.

While cabinet ministers, deputy ministers, premiers, MECs, members of Parliament, directors-general and chief directors arrived in cars paid for by the taxpayer, it would seem that other party apparatchiks had to break the bank - if you could please excuse the pun - just to keep up with the Motsepes.

Talk about flying in borrowed feathers.

ZEE connection denied

The Ain't Seen Nothing Yet boss, the irrepressible Machine Gun Man, made an interesting statement when asked in a wide-ranging interview by The New Rag to comment on business opportunities being given to politically well-connected individuals.

"There is also criticism that some people are empowered because they know other people. But the media must do research before they criticise. I have not found a clear analytical criticism of this matter except sweeping statements that people make," he said.

This reminded Guluva of the Tobacco Pipe Smoking Intellectual whosaid: "Personally, I don't know anybody who has died of Aids. I really, honestly don't."

It seems the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Email Guluva on: thatha.guluva@gmail.com