Harking back to the silly old days
WHEN South Africa was transformed into a democracy on April 27 1994 it dispatched names such as QwaQwa, Gazankulu and Ciskei to the dustbin of history along with other unsavoury apartheid relics.
Sixteen years on, apartheid enclaves such as KwaNdebele are effectively a distant memory and so are the so-called independent bantustans such as Lucas Mangope's Bophuthatswana and the late Kaizer Matanzima's Transkei.
Guluva has since the advent of democracy also not heard anyone talking about KaNgwane. Similarly, it has also been a while now since he last heard someone mentioning a place called Transvaal.
But it would seem there are some among us, as the Tobacco Pipe Smoking Intellectual would say, who are still stuck in the pre-1994 era.
Soccer analyst Mike Mangena, soccer commentator Jeff Zikhali and producers of Tshivenda-English TV drama series Muvhango still believe that there is a place called Venda in this country.
In their weekend TV soccer analyses and commentary, both Mangena and Zikhali irritably referred to National First Division soccer team Black Leopards' home base as Venda, while some characters in Muvhango unashamedly wax lyrical about the same area.
If all of them were to wake up from their deep pre-democracy era slumber, smell the coffee and fast forward to 2010, they would realise that there is no such a place in Mzansi. The geographical area they refer to is just a small portion of Limpopo.
Cowboy or coward?
Guluva considers General Bheki Cele, Mzansi's crime-buster-in-chief, as an older brother he can run to every time he gets into trouble with bullies.
The general has all the attributes to scare off any bully: the look, demeanour, physique and sternness of voice.
Over and above that he is a tough straight-talker and a shoot-first-and-ask-questions-later fellow who brooks no nonsense from anyone.
That's probably why the president made him the country's top cop.
He is the type of man who can walk into an armed robbery in progress and disarm the perpetrators by only staring at them.
With the Super Cowboy around, Guluva had never had any reason to feel unsafe. For Cele, there is a no no-go area anywhere in the world.
Well, that was seemingly the case until last week when the Super Cowboy admitted how he, during a recent visit to Britain, made a hasty retreat from going into Brixton, a cauldron of African and Caribbean cultures just outside London, after he was told it was a no-go area because of its high crime rate.
"Either the car will come back or won't come back or you and the car won't come back," were the chilling words of his taxi driver who saw him uncharacteristically back-tracking all the way to the relative safety of central London.
Now, what do we have here, a cowboy or a coward?
ONSIDE: The Machine Gun Man has rapped corrupt and lazy public servants over the knuckles, again calling on them to provide government service efficiently and effectively. The question is, do they ever heed such calls?
OFFSIDE: Certain Kagiso policemen are trying to shield Retlabusa Mokonyane, the 23-year-old son of Gauteng Premier Nomvula Mokonyane, from prosecution in connection with a drunken driving case. This happened after they were apparently leaned on by some mysterious and powerful people.
- This is a column written by Bathathe Guluva
Email Guluva on: firstname.lastname@example.org