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Deft dancer has a brand to maintain

GULUVA has always been intrigued by the Machine Gun Man's theatrics on the dance floor, heroics on political platforms and shenanigans behind closed doors.

He has also been fascinated by the deftness with which he has dealt with his trials and tribulations over the years.

Out of pocket as usual, Guluva was thrilled when he popped into the CNA the other day to find that the price of his favourite dancer's recently released biography had been significantly marked down.

But, he wondered, was the sharp decline in the book's cover price an indication of the diminishing value, real or imagined, of the Machine Gun Man brand?

Whatever it was, Guluva could not be bothered. He bought the book and found it to be a great read. Despite literary indiscretions here and there, the biography provides an illuminating insight into the man many would love to hate.

Written in a simple, flowing style by veteran journalist Jeremy Gordin, it is a highly recommended read for history students here and abroad.

The biography tells us, for example, how one evening the Machine Gun Man was, with his creative juices flowing, working on a speech on his computer. (Please don't ask Guluva if the computer was a donation from the Gupta family's successful computer business.)

As he was furiously typing away he suddenly stopped, whipped out his cellphone and called his then aide Ranjeni Munusamy and screamed: "I need to make bullets. How do you make bullets?"

Now, was the Machine Gun Man in trouble? Did he want to make bullets for real?

It later turned out, however, that the Machine Gun Man, a BBTI (Born Before Technology Individual), had wanted to make bullet points on the literary masterpiece he was working on.

Working late at night is not new to Ain't Seen Nothing Yet leaders.

The Tobacco Pipe Smoking Intellectual is known, or used to be known, to write his speeches and surf the net well into the wee hours of the morning. At least this is one positive attribute the Machine Gun Man has adopted from his political adversary and is using effectively in his new job.

Gordin also tells us how Business Day editor Peter Bruce angered the Ain't Seen Nothing Yet hierarchy when he wrote what they felt was a disparaging piece about their man in his The Thick End of the Wedge column in 2006.

This was before the passing of judgment in the Machine Gun Man's rape trial.

Bruce, who does not mince his words, had written: "ANC Deputy President Jacob Zuma will know on May 8 whether he is guilty of rape. He seems not to think so and, quite frankly, I think he might be right."

Two paragraphs later he wrote: "So what I think is that Zuma, whom we already know to be a man of limited moral, financial or even political judgment, has a pretty young girl over to stay, goes a bit gaga at the sight of some flesh normally hidden, and proceeds to make a prick (literally) of himself."

Phew! Pretty heavy stuff, I tell you!

Members of the Machine Gun Man's then kitchen cabinet were outraged and went ballistic, threatening to sue Bruce "here, there and everywhere".

As they were heatedly discussing how to approach the issue, the Machine Gun Man chipped in and asked quietly: "But tell me, what is a prick?"

Eish!

E-mail Guluva on: thatha.guluva@gmail.com.

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